We Choose

Today I will talk about the positive. Truly there is so much, although you might need to really look for it sometimes. Veronica, my daughter, has a severe traumatic brain injury and I have a moderate tbi. Since day one I knew that God was with us. From the time I woke up in our mangled car, I felt a presence, a bubble of protection. This bubble went from around Veronica’s left side as she sat in the driver’s seat that had been pushed to where the middle console was supposed to be, in between us, and a cushion around my right side as I sat belted into my seat that had literally been pushed inches outside the right side of the car. I began talking about it the minute I opened my eyes, waking up from the most peaceful sleep I had ever felt, before I started screaming in pain. I believe with everything I am, that God was with us. I lost all but snippets of my memory for the next seven weeks, but I have never forgotten what I felt in the car, His presence. I believe that losing my memory for that time was a blessing because by not remembering, I didn’t feel the pain of our daughter being in a coma and on life support. My husband had to handle all the most difficult decisions. I do not believe I could have done as well as my husband did in that situation. Because of my memory loss, he had to tell and retell me every day what happened to Veronica and me for most of my three-week hospital stay. We were shown the good in people as the halls were filled with our friends, neighbors, our church family, my husband’s work community, all waiting with loving hearts to see us and find out how we were. The hospital actually phoned Veronica’s high school principal to ask that he make an announcement to please stop the students from coming for a time because there were so many people lining the halls. What a blessing so many people cared. We went through the same horrible recovery process as anyone else that has had a brain injury. Veronica was 15 but had the mentality of a three to five-year-old upon leaving the hospital. It has taken 15 years for Veronica to reach the maturity of a 15-year-old, sometimes a bit younger, sometimes a bit older, again.

Who wouldn’t want the privilege of raising their child twice if given the blessed chance? Yes, it was scary and so difficult. But it was filled with happy times too as we watched Veronica’s accomplishments. And she can be so humorous with a quick wit. Was her care time-consuming, the unknown horrifying? Of course, but she is alive. I am alive. I had to give up my role as mother for a long time as my 17-year-old daughter stepped in. I fought her every step of the way. I wanted to make my own decisions and be in charge as I was before. But I was not capable. Then when I became Veronica’s caregiver, I was so exhausted from my brain injury, I fell asleep sitting up at her therapy appointments, and there were so many. I am so grateful that did not last forever.

Now here we are, 15 years later. We found our blessings in every day of our journey. We went through frustration and depression. But again, we lived and that was a blessing we never lost sight of. We celebrated even the smallest wins, and there were so many. My husband has PTSD. Although I am Veronica’s daily caregiver while my husband is at work, he and our older daughter still take care of us, not in all the ways they used to need to, but their support leads to the blessings we feel today.

I have decided to turn a horrific, traumatic experience into something positive. Veronica and I now go to high schools and teach students, teachers, and counselors about brain injuries. No one knows our story better than us. That’s what we always tell each other, my daughter and I, whenever we get nervous. We have taught over 30 classes now. We have been on several radio shows, a talk show, podcasts, interviews, in newspaper articles. I published a book and I write brain injury blogs on this website. My intention of writing my book and blog is because although this is a lonely road, I want to make sure that as many people as possible: survivors, caregivers, family, friends will know they are not alone in their experience. I want to teach as many people as I possibly can about brain injuries. In my blog I write about the good, the bad, and the ugly of brain injuries. Some of what I write about is personal, even embarrassing things because I want the raw and honest truth to be presented. By sharing our experiences, my goal is that no one will feel alone, like an outcast, because we are not. We are together in this, all bonded by an unfortunate situation that can bring us together to lean on one another. That is very important to me. I am part of several brain injury support groups on Facebook. Sometimes I give support and sometimes I need support. We still have deficits, our family has suffered greatly over the years and our family is still suffering, but I refuse to stop seeing our many blessings and I never forget for a minute that God will carry me when I cannot carry myself.

In ending, I would like you all to remember:

We do not get to choose what happens to us, but we do get to choose how we handle it. Don’t be afraid of the journey.

That is how I sign my books. I believe it. I live by those words.

If you are interested in learning more about our family’s journey as brain injury survivors, WARRIORS, please read my book titled,

A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury

It is available at Poor Richards Books and Gifts in downtown Colorado Springs, and almost anywhere online. You can purchase my book off Amazon right here from my website just by going to Menu and pressing Book. It will come up.

Please like, subscribe, and follow my website. If you do, you will be notified via e-mail every time I post a new blog.

Have a beautiful week everyone, and don’t forget to celebrate your wins.