Independence is something many brain injured people no longer get to experience.
Veronica is tired of living with “old” retired people. She is bored. We have guardianship of her, and her poor decisions and impulsiveness are the reason for it. Not long ago we allowed her to go to a bar with a friend and when I was there to pick her up, after many drinks she came out with a random guy to introduce me to. She was quick to tell me that she made out with him most of the evening that she was there. Our biggest worry was truly if she was going to have sex with this man or any man in the bathroom or some other inappropriate place.
I am aware that some people do this, but we are trying to teach Veronica not to. Just to be clear, we do not often leave Veronica in a position where this may happen. In saying that, we have learned that we cannot see her growth if we do not let her go every now and then, so she is in a position to show us what she is capable of. No doubt it is so hard being the parent of a brain injured adult child that will likely continue to be 15-yr-old in many ways.
Veronica has been getting EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy, a treatment used for processing trauma and for other reasons. For Veronica it is being used to treat her impulsiveness as well as trauma. For impulsiveness, EMDR is targeting the underlying emotional, sensory, and cognitive “feeling states” that drive compulsive actions, often using ICDP-Impulsive Control Disorder Protocol. It reduces the urge to act impulsively by breaking the link between intense desire and positive sensations, allowing individuals to manage triggers without engaging in destructive behavior. (Resource: AI question: How can EMDR be used for impulsivity?)
Veronica has shown great distress over having to ask permission before going anywhere, and us needing to meet who she is going with, men. She is allowed to have men over, has privacy downstairs where she stays, but she says men feel weird having to meet us when they are not in a serious relationship and spending time in Veronica’s bedroom with us right upstairs is uncomfortable. We understand this, but that’s just how it will be. It is for her safety. She meets these men on dating sites because she doesn’t go out much and is in no position to meet them otherwise.
For a long while, we have been trying to motivate Veronica to do different kinds of things on her own that will hopefully encourage her to become more independent than she is now. Not all of these things require her to interact with others. We are trying to give her our trust so she can continue to move forward.
Small steps have the potential of turning into larger ones. Our goal is for her to behave appropriately and is being given a chance to take care of herself. The thought that she is unable to is our biggest worry. We are working on it.
Veronica did three very independent things last week that we are very excited about.
- She went to the movies by herself and was surprised she enjoyed her own company and was really happy to do something that didn’t require our company.
We showed trust in her and she showed herself she could be responsible and safe without us in that particular situation.
HUGE WIN!
Only since the EMDR have we seen a much more maturely controlled side of Veronica.
2. Veronica saw there were no more hard-boiled eggs, and we usually keep them on hand because we eat them often.
We do not normally let Veronica cook without supervision due to past unsafe results. But this time she took initiative and cooked safely. She did it when we were not in the kitchen, while we were doing other things, and did not ask permission. This could have been very scary
Thankfully Veronica did great. We see Veronica may now be able to use the stove for small things while we are home.
HUGE WIN!
3.Veronica went for a mile and a half walk in a nearby neighborhood. A walk we as a family have taken literally hundreds of times since we have lived here for the past 17 years. We knew she could do this. The big deal about this is that it was done by her initiative. Veronica has had adynamia, lack of initiation and motivation for the past 18 years of her brain injury.
HUGE WIN!
These are small steps that could lead to many larger ones. I am so hopeful and happy for Veronica in her future successes. Please know that if these wins don’t grow, as her parents, there is no disappointment. Right now, I feel like she is growing and that too, is a HUGE WIN!
If you are interested in the journey, what we have gone through to get to this point of recovery, please read my brain injury educational book titled,
A Miracle a Day One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury
May you survivors and/or brain injured loved ones continue to make small steps forward.
God bless you all.
Dawn Corbelli 
Dawn, I am reposting much of Mental Health Meltdown on my Substack in an effort to help people who are basically unaware for the most part of bipolar and other mental illnesses and be able to read for free. I reposted your story today. I am so encouraged by you and how you have blessed so many people in helping them to understand brain injury. I am including a link to your book. You may read the Substack here:
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