This is what I texted him…
It has taken me two years of mental growth for me to figure out what happened between us to not make us friends anymore.
All because of a brain injury mistake I made in communication we don’t talk anymore.
(Since he read my book, I wrote) Now you can see personally what I wrote about losing friends in my book. We lost all our friends. I have thought about this a lot, and this is how I understand this memory of mine.
You wrote me and I answered you a long answer. I looked back and thought you never answered me after all the effort I put in to write you. I then obsessed over what I thought that you never answered- my long message. I obsessed and obsessed. Then, when you wrote me a one-line note, with a picture, I thought you didn’t really want to talk to me, and I couldn’t figure out why. Instead of talking to you about it, I blew up on you. I am terrible at social ques, which is why when I should have let the conversation be, I once more wrote how I still wanted to hear from you. (Making me sound desperate with the rest of the previous conversation we had.)
Then I wrote in this recent text… I am sorry I didn’t understand and ruined our friendship. I truly, truly hope you and your loved ones have a beautiful holiday season.”
End of text.
Two years ago, during our last messed up communication he said he didn’t want to be told how often, or how much to keep in touch with me. I just thought he didn’t acknowledge my effort in sending him a long message. But then, he ENDED the relationship. He erased all of the past communication between us, texts, and I don’t even know if he BLOCKED me. So I have no idea if he even received this recent text.
It’s been a week, and I haven’t heard back. I have very little patience, next to none. Another of my brain injured traits.
I talked about this with a friend, and he said, “Take down that rear view mirror, and stop looking back.” My friend said that since I apologized there was nothing more I could do.
Everyone has problems communicating sometimes. I know that. But it is even more difficult to find the right words to communicate when you have a brain injury, and we lose friends much more often.
If you would like to read more about the trials and triumphs, we have experienced through the first twelve years of our recovery, please read my book titled,
A Miracle a Day, One Day t a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury
We must be strong and resilient as survivors, WARRIORS.
It is not the end of life; it is a different beginning.
Dawn Corbelli 
Dawn,
I have lost friends over the years due to my being a direct person plus having bipolar. Part of my bipolar is also obsessing over those lost friendships. One of the saddest things about lost friends is some of them were also friends of my bride. I must say that almost all those lost friendships occurred before I was diagnosed and obtained medication. At 80 years of age, I have come to consider whether those lost friendships were really friends in the greater sense of that word. Real friends don’t fade away into silence. Real friends let you know if something said or done hurt their feelings or offended them. Real friends work to keep the relationship. Yes, regrets do occur at the mention of their names, or a memory revisited. I believe it’s difficult for all people to bump into those memories and feel the same loss anew. However, our mental illnesses may cause us to revisit and obsess all over again at a deeper level. It takes prayer to forgive the hurts revisited, and prayer to forgive ourselves all over again. It is for me a gift from the LORD, to be able forgive myself and the lost friendship.
I hope this will be a comfort knowing you are not alone in this situation.
You are a dear friend Dawn; I value our friendship and recall how quickly you forgave my offence of not fully understanding your limitations.
Paul
PS: For some reason I don’t seem to be able to share on your post but please feel free to share this as you are led.
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I know how awful it is to lose friends and family after a brain injury. Keep writing it helps me and pthers.
Thank you,
Mary-Frances Coughlin
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Thank you so much for your support. I am sincerely sorry it has happened to you, too. Thank you for reading my blog.
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Hi Paul,
I have often been more forward than many even before my brain injury. And I can honestly say, it has not always been appreciated. I was caught off guard the first time it happened with you, but now I know it’s just you and I very much appreciate you for who you are. Thank you for continually supporting you. I hope you feel like I support you too.
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Iâm not sure how this came to me, but I thought it might interest you
Paul
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