The Little Gremlin

Our family lives in Colorado Springs, CO. There is a family that used to live 3 houses away on our side of the street. Our families were such good friends. Veronica babysat their little girl when she was six years old. Now this family lives in Indiana and that little girl is 25, has a baby, and is getting married. Last year when we saw on Facebook that she was engaged we talked about how nice it would be if we could go to her wedding. We miss them so much. Well, three days ago we received an invitation to her wedding and said to my husband, “Veronica and I really would like to go to that wedding.” And Greg said, “Go ahead.” I asked if he wanted to come, but he cannot get off work at that time. I was so shocked by Greg’s answer because it would be just me and Veronica, going through an airport, on a plane, and to another state, with our brain injuries. We have travelled to see my mom in Las Vegas several times with no layover. This flight will have a layover in Denver, a very busy, very large airport. Between Veronica and I we have a whole brain. I just know we can do this since our friends will pick us up from the airport and drive us back there to go home. I got lost about a block from home before, not recognizing my surroundings, so driving in another state would not be a good idea for me. That problem is solved. We are very excited to see our friends. It has been many years.

I was laying in bed last night thinking about Veronica around a big crowd of people, our friends we are going to visit, their family, and their friends, and I began to feel anxiety. All I could think about is how Veronica likes to be the center of attention and becomes loud and often perverse to be just that. And she is out of control when drinking. She does have more than a drink occasionally at our friends house here, but we know them very well. She does get out of control, but this family expects it and loves her just the way she is. We haven’t spent time with our friends in Indiana since shortly after the accident and they know little about how we are with our brain injuries. Neither of us has good memories. I forget my words while talking, comprehend more slowly, many times forget what I am talking about in the middle of a sentence, and rarely get a joke. These are things people may be able to pick up on pretty quickly. Veronica does not have the same deficits and you can talk to her for awhile not knowing she has a brain injury. After awhile people may notice that she has impulsive behavior, speaks inappropriately, many times sexual, is extremely touchy feely, and does not have personal space so often stands in other people’s bubble. This is all magnified by alcohol, where she behaves much more like an immature teenager than the 31 years of age she actually is.

Here is my worry.  Many people drink alcohol at wedding receptions and Veronica will want very badly to be one of those people. Right now, while not in that situation she will say, “I will not drink.” She will promise not to drink…now.  Although I will tell Veronica not to drink at the wedding reception, she may give me a lot of flack about it.  She will get loud and confrontational. Even though she swears she won’t and also swears she will not even have one drink, once in a social situation where others are drinking, she usually yells, “Shots anyone?!” Even one drink will make her want more so she cannot have any. Strangers in a crowd, friends of friends, often look at me and say, “One won’t hurt. She’s a grown up, let her do what she wants.” She will square her shoulders, stand tall, and say, “You can’t tell me what to do. I’m a grown up.” We have been in situations before where people have snuck Veronica alcohol behind our back, other adults. So many people have no idea what Veronica’s brain has been through. That darn invisible disability that leaves most of us looking fine.  

Veronica is like a gremlin when she drinks. Have you heard of the movie Gremlins?

There are three rules for gremlins:

1. Never expose them to bright light. It will kill them.
2. Never get them wet. They will multiply.
3. Never ever feed them after midnight. They transform into small, destructive monsters.

Veronica is #3 when she drinks alcohol. She is unruly, loud, perverse, impulsive, sometimes she used to be naked, but thank heavens I haven’t seen her like that for a long time while drinking. She gets completely out of control and does not know when to say, “NO,” to another drink. It is awful to watch as a mother. I am afraid she will get hurt. She gets very clumsy. She takes medication and whether warranted or not, I go to the dramatic side and I am afraid she will die. Why would I ever allow her to drink, you might be wondering? I can tell her 100x not to drink, but sometimes she is with other adult friends that are drinking, and she does not remember, selectively does not remember, or simply wants to drink and does so.

I have written up a contract that Veronica has signed that says she will not drink at the wedding reception and if she does, I will not be taking her on any more pleasure trips. She likes to travel, and I will be carrying this contract in my purse to show her before the wedding reception and during the reception if need be. I will put my trust in her because as time has gone by, she has gotten a little more responsible. I feel like if I don’t give her chance to show me she can do things, I will never know if she can have the self-control she thinks she does. She knows this is not her day. And I will remind her of that as often as necessary.

In seventh grade babysitting every day after school consisted of Veronica making this little girl a snack, helping her with her homework, jumping on the trampoline together, and watching the Disney channel. Veronica wants to be there for her special day. Before she took care of her. Now she wants to be her friend.

Many of you may wonder why I am going to even consider taking Veronica out of town to this wedding. It is because I want her to feel the joy of being with old friends. I want her to have a life outside our house, which is where she spends most of her life. I want Veronica to experience fun things and make good memories. If I don’t give her the chance to try different things, we will never know what she is capable of. I will remove her from the situation if I must, but my bet is on Veronica that I won’t have to.

After our trip in March, I will let you know the outcome.

If you would like to learn more about our first 12 years of recovery after our brain injuries, our trials and triumphs, please read my book titled,

A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury

Available many places online. If you are interested in buying it, please press the blue link below:

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/a-miracle-a-day-one-day-at-a-time

Thank you so much for taking time to read my blog.

Have a beautiful, blessed week.