Turning a Shit Hand into Something Positive

For some of you who follow my blog, you may know a bit of our story already. But for those of you that don’t know, I want to share. 15 years ago, Veronica was driving with her permit, and I was a passenger. We were pulling out from a stop sign and were hit by a 4×4 truck going 60 mph. The accident was our fault. I notice when I read posts on brain injury support groups, people often state if the accident wasn’t their fault. When it was a negligent or drunk driver or speeding driver that caused the accident, I understand there is still anger and blame over who caused the accident. Thinking if it wasn’t for them, my brain wouldn’t have been injured and my life wouldn’t be ruined. We have a different scenario altogether. My daughter was at fault because she did not have the right of way to come out from the stop sign. She has had guilt that my brain has been injured, saying, “It’s all my fault our lives have changed. It’s hard and there are so many things we can’t do now.” As she cries big tears. I wouldn’t think of blaming her. My love and acceptance of her is so great. I know she would never do anything to hurt me on purpose. I never want her to feel guilty and depressed because of an unintentional act, a mistake. As I have said many times, “I’m so glad it was me in the car with her that day so she will never be alone on this often-lonely road.” So many people don’t or choose not to understand. But I do!

I believe God has his reasons for everything. With her having a severe traumatic brain injury and me a moderate, we could certainly dwell in the unfairness of our situation, anger at all the things we cannot do now, our deficits, which are many. I want you to know, just like you, we have suffered. You cannot come back from a severe tbi without suffering. Her decision-making skills, impulsivity, vulnerability, and her sexual forwardness is why we have guardianship of her at 31 years of age. She cannot work or drive. I forget my words in the middle of a sentence, tire easily mentally, and am easily overwhelmed and overstimulated, get lost not knowing where I am, where I’m going, or why, more times than is safe. I cannot work either. I have and had bipolar disorder before injury and Veronica has a mood disorder like bipolar disorder, too, since her injury. Brain injury is a family affair. It’s hard enough for families to stay together with one brain injured person in the family, much less learning and flourishing with two brain injured people in the family.

I believe deeply in God, and I know He carried me when I thought I couldn’t take another minute watching my family’s sadness and frustration as we learned to live this new life, getting to know our new selves, our new roles in the family, and for many years working toward acceptance.

Honestly, for us, the first 10 years were the most difficult. We didn’t even know what would come out of our mouths, Veronica, and I. We lost all our friends.

But you know what? We made it! I made an effort to learn everything I could about brain injuries and learned to understand myself, Veronica, and many others along the way. I have always been one to try and see the positive. Having bipolar disorder, I have thought too many times about taking my own life. I have thought like that too many times, and most people, or at least many people, have sunk that low at least once. I was so scared by what was happening to me and about the thoughts and severe mood swings I was experiencing and could not control. At the age of 25, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was relieved to learn that medicine could help my life be somewhat “normal” again. Years later I became an advocate working for NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). I have taught nursing classes about bipolar disorder, my experience, and how to survive the tough times.

I, along with Veronica have turned our horribly traumatic experience, and living with brain injuries, into something positive. I can teach about it. Living it myself has made me an expert with so much to offer others. I wrote my book titled,

A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury.

It was the second most painful thing I have been through compared to going through it the first time. I suffered nightmares for months after I finished, waking up four times a night. My husband couldn’t get a good night’s rest as I screamed and cried in terror nightly. PTSD.

I went to counseling, and it got better and now I can talk about it without falling apart.

People asked, “Why write a book if it was so painful.” My answer, “Because this is a lonely road and I need to let others know they are not alone and share what I have learned, helping them feel validated and understood.” Then, early this year I started a blog on my brain injury website for the same reason. Brain injuries are very common and so few understand them, and I am here to spread the word. My passion: the reason, I believe, behind my brain injury.

I began calling high schools asking if Veronica and I could teach the students about brain injuries. Many doctors know little about brain injuries. These kids, no matter their profession as an adult, can look back and say, “I learned about that.” At first it was very hard, still being 15 in many ways, Veronica would flirt with the young boys, and I found myself sternly saying, “Hands off!” Because due to the part of her brain injured, she has the impulse to touch males faces and chests. Here we are three years later after beginning teaching and Veronica no longer slips and swears. She hasn’t flirted with anyone this year.

We have turned a shit hand into something wonderful.

If you are interested in hearing about our first 12 years of recovery, please read my book titled,

A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury

Available at https://store.bookbaby.com/book/a-miracle-a-day-one-day-at-a-time

Please try and see even the smallest positives in your life. It will change your day.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Until next Friday when I post a new one…

Have a blessed and beautiful week.