Broken Crayons Still Color  

I, like so many other brain injured people, have a pretty serious case of anomic aphasia. This is a disorder that results from damage to portions of the brain that are responsible for language. It causes difficulty in naming objects even though one knows what the object is and what it may be used for. Resource: What is Aphasia? nidcd.nih.gov

I’m going to begin this blog by saying I am grateful for all I have… God, my abilities, my loving family, my friends, and that my husband is able to take care of us so we can live comfortably.

My husband, Greg, so lovingly took me on a lovely vacations for our 35^th Wedding Anniversary. I am a sociable person and used to be very good at this sort of thing. I found every restaurant we went to to be very loud and overstimulating. I tried to hear less by taking my hearing aids out and not wearing them for the duration of our vacation. While there, we met a nice couple and decided to have dinner together. At dinner I forgot my thoughts in the middle of sentences, forgot my words, and forgot parts of memories I was trying to share. I would turn to Greg and ask him the things I forgot. He is my memory. At dinner, the lady of the couple said, “I forget what I am saying all the time.” Well, her “all the time” didn’t happen once during dinner. It happened to me throughout dinner. By the time I had turned to Greg for help finishing my thoughts a few times, I didn’t want to talk anymore. I am an intelligent person; however, I realize I may not appear to be to people I have just met that know very little about us, our family, our story, our injuries. What a relief I felt when we parted and I was alone with Greg, again. I told Greg how these situations make me feel sad. I even cried a little. No amount of money, no amount of wishing will bring back my communication the way it used to be before my brain injury. My most comfortable place is anywhere with my family and a very close friend and her family. It’s a small circle, but that is where I feel my best. I’m not embarrassed by the changes and deficits in my communication skills and style. It’s just frustrating sometimes.   

            I am Veronica’s daily caregiver, as she has a severe traumatic brain injury. While we were away, she stayed back home with her grown older sister. She absolutely loved their time together; it was good for their relationship to spend so much time together. But being away from us was hardest for Veronica when her sister was at work. They spoke several times a day. We were in touch with Veronica a couple times a day as well. In the evening we would all talk together on the speaker phone. Towards the end of the week we were gone, Veronica felt especially lonely. Honestly, she did great feeding the dogs and letting them outside, doing dishes, vacuuming, and that I never expected. Her ability to be responsible around the house is fantastic. I’m very proud of her. We knew she’d get lonely and had the opportunity to visit neighbors, but she resisted. To her, reaching out was not adult-like, which is one thing Veronica desperately wants to be. I reassured her that even adults get lonely and that has nothing to do with being an adult or not. As I have said before, Veronica is capable of keeping a clean home, a cared for home. It’s decisions she makes that keep her from living on her own and needs someone checking up on her frequently to make sure she is okay.

            We returned home safely, and we are back to living the usual. Having time alone, my husband and I, is very necessary occasionally, and it is something we rarely get the chance to do. It’s nice to come home refreshed and begin again. I thank the lord we had this opportunity. For all the caregivers, I hope you are able to get a good break sometimes. For those that cannot, I am very sorry. We must remember that all of us have problems. We all struggle. We all need help sometimes. Sometimes our deficits are mental, sometimes physical. Not one of us is perfect and we should never ever feel embarrassed of any of those things.

            The Truth is brain injured or not we all are a little broken in some way. We are ALL still worthy. We are ALL still loveable. The last time I checked, broken crayons still color!

If you are interested in learning more about our lives, please read my book about the first 12 years of recovery after our brain injuries. It is titled,

A Miracle a day, One Day ay a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain injury

And one of the places it is available for sale is on:

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/a-miracle-a-day-one-day-at-a-time

Give yourself grace and patience and have a beautiful, blessed week.