And Then She Danced

Recently I was at the gym and needed a reminder on how to use one of the machines I have been using for the past few months. For some reason, that day I just couldn’t remember how. I told the gym manager that I have memory loss due to my brain injury. “You’d think after all this time I’d remember how to do this.” I spoke. He said, “That’s ok, I have a brain injury, too.” I asked if he was serious and if he really did. He said, “No.” I told him that is not funny to joke about. “Brain injury is hard to live with,” I said. Then he made another joke about it. He said, “I’m tall and the air is thin up here, so I have a brain injury.” I said, “That’s not funny. This is nothing to joke about.” My complete opinion of him changed that day. I thought he was a nice guy. Now I just think he’s ignorant. I will never understand how people can make a joke out of someone else’s hardship. Why do some people think that’s funny?

We went on an outing and my older daughter brought a friend. I frequently lost my words while talking to him. That happens so often around people I don’t know very well. I wasn’t nervous, so I don’t know why it happened, but often does in situations like that. Later I was telling him about how writing my blogs takes me about an hour or more depending on if I am doing research or not. Last week’s took me three hours, and then I didn’t use a bunch of it because it made the blog too long for my liking. It takes me another couple hours on the computer to type my blog. He asked why it takes so long. I told him It’s because I’m not that good at reading or typing. Then I have to read and reread it so it’s just right. It’s kind of an obsession that I’m working on. But now when I think about it, the reason is also because I write what I think I want the blog to say, but when I type it, I think deeply, and it grows. That’s why it takes so long.  The next morning, I was thinking about how I told my daughter’s friend I don’t read well, and I wondered what he thought of that. I didn’t tell him my reading ability was affected by my brain injury, surprisingly. I usually do. I try and write my blogs on Wednesday, type them, and save them on the computer on Thursday, and read them and make any necessary changes on Friday morning before posting them. It’s a process, but something I love putting my time into because I want to help people feel validated, understood, and feel less alone on this brain injury journey.

Back to that night out. Veronica began to choke on a piece of chewy candy. I saw her leaning forward from a standing position. I instantly became frightened and walked a few steps closer to her while asking if she was ok. Just then she coughed, and the small ball of candy flew to the ground. Thank heavens. She frightens me sometimes when she chokes like that. Choking is a common thing for Veronica and has been for the past 15 years since her brain stem was sheared. I told this friend afterwards, “Veronica chokes a lot because her brain stem was sheared, and it controls swallowing.” He knows she has a brain injury. He said, “No big deal. I spit all the time.” I said, “It scares me. She chokes on her own saliva.” It was quiet a minute and he said it would scare him too if he looked at it from a father’s point of view.

On to the good stuff…

There was an entertainer at this event, and he had all the kids singing and dancing. There were a few parents out there with their little ones and there was Veronica, singing, dancing, jumping. It was so beautiful to watch. She kept saying, “Look. I can jump.” It brought me so much joy to see her having a wonderful time. She was proud of how she could jump since she’s had a hard time with it until she began with a movement coach, her gym trainer, earlier this year. 15 years post… This year has been a great year of growth for Veronica in so many ways. We were sitting outside having coffee yesterday morning, talking. First, she unloaded the dishwasher and reloaded it. When she came out, she said, “I can do this. I could live by myself.” I said she would have a beautiful house if that’s all it took to live alone. She said, “I know it’s not. I know this is my adult home, so it doesn’t feel like a chore to help take care of it anymore.” That was a mature statement! This is a very hard thing to hear as a parent of a severely brain injured child. It makes me sad for her, her dreams, her future, her reality. But I try not to focus on those feelings. I have them and let them go to live in the moment.  My 31-year-old daughter is maturing. I’m so proud of her to recognize these things. Veronica’s growth surely did not stop after two years or even 10 years post-accident like we were told it likely would. In some ways she is still maturing, in others she is not. She will go years without changing, then POW!! She’s growing again mentally. She is perceptive of people’s feelings, very emotionally mature, and is taking initiative in a way she hasn’t for many years. But her decision-making skills, vulnerability, impulsivity, childlike reasoning, and her ability to think ahead and see the consequences of her actions, although better than in the beginning, are not mature enough for her to be safe living by herself. And money. She cannot manage money. It is just like scrap paper to her. It has no value and that has not changed. She was actually kind of like that before her injury as well. These are the reasons we must be protective of Veronica and keep such a close eye on her. Her self-care is excellent, she can keep a clean house, and is good at decorating, but our girl will always be a 15-year-old in many ways.

I love spending my days with Veronica. It is not a chore. It is a privilege I will never stop thanking God for. I tell Veronica I’m her biggest fan and she says I’m her Wonder Woman. I’m so so sorry not everyone has someone in their lives to be their biggest fan. Things like that hurt my heart. I want everyone to experience the love and support I am so grateful to have. I pray openly for all to have someone looking out for them, brain injury or not. We all need that. If nothing else, this week has been eventful.

If you would like to hear more about our eventful life for the first 12 years post injury, please read my book titled,

A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury

I hope you have a beautiful week!