Our Rebirthday

February 13, 2023, was our family’s 15^th anniversary of the day our lives changed forever. This date is otherwise known as our Rebirthday, or our Brainaversary, as it’s called in the brain injured world. The day we lived. That is the day Veronica and I sustained our brain injuries. Your life before, your personality before, ends, but that doesn’t mean our lives ended.

Once something this traumatic happens in your life, it is divided into two parts, before, and after. We have had many years to get to know our new selves, many years to learn to accept our deficits. Our deficits may still be there, but we have had time to learn how to manage them. Life is smoother. There is a routine, an expectation of situations. We know what to expect from ourselves, even if we still cannot control it.

Veronica and I together have learned to live with these things in peace. I used to be embarrassed when I would lose my words around a stranger I was talking to, and stand searching for my words. Now during that time, I just say, “I have a brain injury and can’t find my words. Just give me a second.” When Veronica and I are together, so often somehow, she can find my words for me.

Cute story…When I was with my family and we had company and Kylie, our older daughter, looked at me from across the room and saw me struggling, she winked at me. She does this any time I struggle. That wink to me is like a hug. She is telling me I’m ok. I just love that she does that. It feels so loving and supportive.

Veronica says unfiltered, overly flirty things often. After those words were out, Veronica used to feel embarrassed, not even knowing where they came from. Now she accepts it, but does think to herself, “That would have been better left unsaid. OOPS.” We try and find humor in many of our behaviors now. I tell people about Veronica. I say, “That was a bit unfiltered.” Right out loud, explaining to the person on the receiving end of that conversation, that she has a severe brain injury and sometimes what one would think and know they shouldn’t say, Veronica says. She has no filter.

Being open and honest about our brain injuries has given us a freedom many don’t allow themselves. They feel embarrassed and less than because of it. For the first 12 years after my injury, I told myself I was stupid every day. Then, by chance, I found a therapist very familiar with brain injuries because someone in her family unfortunately had one. With two simple sentences, she changed my life forever. You are not stupid, you are injured. Your injury has nothing to do with your intelligence.” Look at all the people that are brain injured that think what they want to say and cannot say it. They lose their words or simply forget their train of thought in the middle of trying to share it. That is not stupidity. That is an injury, damage to the brain. Many people having brain injuries speak so incompletely because of this yet can write so eloquently when they have time to think about what they want to say and can correct and recorrect their writing. Veronica is one of those people. Veronica is very intelligent, but when she cannot find her words, she says nothing at all. She writes notes to her friends so she is able to get her true thoughts to be understood. She writes in a sophisticated manner using big words. I tell her, she could write a wonderful book if she wanted to. She connects her words, uses them properly and puts her thoughts together in a way you would never guess she had anything damaged in that brain of hers.

So, moving on…

All we do and accomplish does not mean we don’t have problems and don’t feel the negative effects from our injuries, and there are many. We just choose to be ok living positively in spite of them. I say this because someone in a support group whom I told some of what we do to advocate, said to me,  “You must not be very injured.” That caused me to feel a little angry because I know what we go through on a daily basis. We choose to try and better ourselves every day. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not. We still have good days and bad days like everyone else.

For many years our family stayed home in superstition, afraid something more negative would happen to us on this date. The kids stayed home from school or work. But while home we did celebrate by playing games, perhaps watching a movie together. We thought home was the only place we would be safe. We did this for probably eight years. Little by little stepping out of our shell. Some years pulling back in with fear again. Finally, FINALLY, last year I forgot the meaning of the date when Veronica told me what the date was. That is how it was this year too. But Veronica quickly reminded me by yelling, “Happy Birthday!” as she walked up the stairs to say good morning. I could go on and on sharing all the blessings we count, but I will end this by saying…

We decided in all our excitement of our special day, we should do something special. Greg, my husband, took the day off work. Veronica and I went to the gym. Then in the afternoon, we all went to a nice lunch where Veronica laughed so loud, Greg had to keep reminding her to keep it down, there are other people in the restaurant. Before you know it Greg and I were laughing.  I treated myself to a delicious milkshake with my burger and fries at Red Robin. We went to see a movie. Of course, we got popcorn and soda. Couldn’t eat much more, but it was fun. We lived it up. It felt like a holiday. And for forever more, we will treat it as such.

If you would like to know more about our journey, please read my book titled, A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope after Traumatic Brain Injury. You can actually order it off Amazon right from my website if you go to the menu. It is available on most online bookstores. If you do read it, please kindly post an honest review of what you think of it.