Many times, when someone has a brain injury and they feel angry, their lack of filter comes into play. Anger is hard to control and what so many people would think and not say out loud, a brain injured person verbalizes. Well, yesterday I yelled it in a grocery store.
Have I got a story for you—
I haven’t done this since I can’t remember when. The lack of self-control I experienced in front of a crowd of people was due to my brain injury. Veronica and I call it going from white (calm) to red (seeing red with anger.) My eyes flit back and forth, and I can feel heat go from my head down my arms. I feel like my heads going to explode and I almost see black. It feels like I may black out.
Yesterday I was in Safeway grocery store at the pharmacy. I asked this lady if she was in line. She said yes, so I got behind her. I stood there for a few minutes and looked up and saw a sign that said, consultation. I thought I was in the wrong line because I was there to pick up a prescription. A little way down, a sign said pick-up, so I got out of line from behind her and stood in front of the pick-up sign/window where one person was being helped. The lady behind the window said, “Next person please.” I walked up and the lady under the consultation sign stepped up and in a disgruntled voice, said, “I told you I was in line.” As I looked up toward the consultation sign, I said, “Yes, but the sign says consultation and this one says pick up, and I’m picking up.” She moved toward the window next to me as I told her I didn’t understand because, pointing at one sign, I said, “I don’t understand.” She raised her voice and said, “Don’t tell me you didn’t know!” and got in front of me. Anyone could have been confused but having a brain injury makes many things even more confusing for me. I wasn’t trying to do anything I shouldn’t. I just didn’t understand that everyone was supposed to be in the same line no matter which window they needed. Well, I started shaking, eyes flitting, seeing red. Mind you the line is really long now, so a lot of people were there. I yelled, “I told you I didn’t know. I have never been here before you bitch! I turned around and kept walking until I was out of the store. I said I didn’t understand. I was just confused. Needless to say, now I have to go back again to pick up my meds tomorrow.
Later I had to laugh, well, after I cried a bunch, because you know every person in line went home and told their families.🙄
Dawn Corbelli 
Oh Dawn, I know all too well what you went through from my own experience. It gets really bad at times and people just don’t understand me either why I’m confused or doing something innocent that I thought was right. I’m sorry you have to feel like this too. I think many of us with TBIs have this problem. I usually have my son near me and he’ll stick up for me and will say “my mom has a Traumatic Brain Injury. Stop yelling at her!” If that doesn’t help the situation I usually have a full meltdown too. I argue at the top of my lungs screaming profanities without even knowing I’m doing that until later, and sometimes my son has to bring it to my attention. I know it’s so hard! I’m so glad you are bringing awareness to this mental health condition caused by TBIs because most people have never heard of this. Most people don’t know what a Traumatic Brain Injury is. People are conditioned to look at the outside of us and not think maybe something is wrong medically. Thanks you for writing your book, “A Miracle A Day, One Day At A Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury”. If not for your book, blogs and interviews that I can show and share with my new friends I’ve made since my car accident and what family I have left that didn’t desert me, and my doctors I had before I got the help I needed, I’m not sure I’d been able to understand myself and continue growing mentally and learn how to try to calm myself down (self soothe) if it wasn’t for your book and blogs. Thank you so much!!
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