When the subject of suicide comes up, my husband always says, “What a selfish thing to do.” That tells me he doesn’t understand the state of mind one is in at the time he/she is considering it. It is a subject that unfortunately often comes up when one has a mental illness or brain injury. It can be seen as weak, strong, selfish, yet giving. It all depends on who you ask.
I have bipolar disorder, which is an imbalance in neurotransmitters/chemicals in the brain. I have had suicidal ideations in the past. From someone who has considered it, I see this act as strong, because we all have the innate will to live. I can see it from several points of view.
I can see it the way my husband does, as selfish. One takes themselves away from those who love them. It can be seen as weak by outsiders, because by killing oneself they don’t have to go through what is difficult for them.
I would have done it, because I felt like a burden, and as though the world would be better off without me. My loved ones wouldn’t have to deal with me, the mood swings, the difficult times I cause, hurting people with my words and acts. In that way, it can be seen as giving. The mental pain can be unbearable, a deep sadness and inability to see any positive.
We can debate all we want, but is any of us really wrong? I believe it’s all of them.
Suicide and brain injury
There are different reasons depression can lead to suicide after a brain injury. Our brain chemicals are different, and that is one reason. Unfortunately, there are many others. We see ourselves as strangers, different than before, unrecognizable. There are so many things we may be unable to do; our deficits may be abundant. Losing all of one’s friends, and possibly one’s family can be devastating. Life becomes so lonely, the person may not actually want to die, they just want the pain to stop.
I know for me, the pain of depression and sadness can be too much. The wish is to end the pain- NOT my life. I believe that is how it is for many that take these drastic measures. It is usually an impulsive act in a moment of pain and that is it- their life is over.
The real question is, do we have enough strength at that moment NOT to do it?
If you have even a fleeting thought about killing yourself, PLEASE tell someone:
A parent, a teacher, a sibling, a friend, or even a boss. If none of those are a choice, PLEASE call the SUICIDE HOTLINE. Call the phone # 988
SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBEM.
Dawn Corbelli 