It has been 17 years since my moderate tbi and I’m 56 now. I can’t remember what I do day to day. That makes me sad because then I think I didn’t do anything and that I’m lazy. My family says that’s not true, so I’m going to journal about my life. I did two things today and already forgot one.
I was looking for something in the garage a few days ago and found a datebook I wrote in every day while my husband Greg was in Korea for the military. Our girls were 3 and 5. It seems I had endless energy. I did so much: wrote the bills, got the kids to school/preschool, cleaned the house, mowed the lawn, made videos and wrote letters to Greg. We went to museums, played in the yard. I gave the girls a bubble bath in a pool in the yard. They were so happy! I scooped poop, made sure the kids were fed, laundry was done. I made ice-cream cakes, a lot of them for others, cookies for friends, and to send to Greg. I talked on the phone with my friends and my family. I made little houses out of popsicle sticks for the girls to play with. I made curtains, and decorated photo albums. I took care of our big dog, Caeser. We played Barbies and dress up, rented movies, and watched together. We snuggled in the recliner. I gave the girls tiny containers of chocolate chips. They thought it was such a treat. We didn’t drink soda or say “stupid” or “shut-up” in our house.
I was sad Greg was gone, and wrote about it every day, but I had Jessie, my neighbor. She helped everything and all of us. Life was still beautiful as I read back, but it sure felt so hard at the time. I read that at 7 ½ years of marriage, Greg wrote me a love letter that gave me butterflies in my stomach. 36 years now, I still get excited when he gets home from work, and when we sleep next to each other in bed at night. I cried and I cried when I read this datebook because life is so different now. It is quieter. I sleep so much more and have way less energy. There are so many things I don’t understand. I don’t get jokes or sarcasm, I think more slowly, but honestly, I concentrate on the positive in the moment.
I try to take Tuesdays and Thursdays off. No appointments or errands, usually. This is because with my brain injury I am more easily overwhelmed and overstimulated. My mental health is more stable when I take these breaks. Otherwise, I suffer anxiety and depression. I feel like my psych meds slow me down, so I don’t go manic, but also adds to my brain injury deficits- thinking, processing speed. Greg says he would rather have me like this than depressed, sometimes with suicidal ideation, or manic- out of my mind, with dangerous thoughts and behaviors.
Things I know I do:
Laundry, shop, blog, dust, read, teach a few times each school semester, over 60 classes now. We reward ourselves with IHOP. I love pancakes! I join podcasts every now and then, radio shows when the opportunity arises, spend time on Facebook/Brain injury support groups, trying to relate to others. I cook dinner most days. I clean. I spend time trying to make my friends feel special- I bake for them. Veronica and I sometimes walk, run errands, watch lots of documentaries, and nap. We nap almost daily. I am often tired. We go bowling or to the movies occasionally. On a daily basis we spend endless hours solving the world’s problems by talking, sharing ideas and anecdotes. Everything we do, we do together. I love spending my days with Veronica, Although I am her caregiver and guardian, I feel like the most blessed mom in the world to be able to have this privileged on a daily basis.
The kids are grown now, self-sufficient, mostly. As a family we go on driving trips about once a year for a few days, and Kylie spends some weekends and almost always comes all day on Sundays.
Life is different. Times are different. I’m not as independent; I get lost easily while driving. That can be scary.
My mom is 82. I phone her every day. We go out to dinner almost every Friday with our close friends and also visit with them on Thursday evenings. During football season we even go to their house, Mondays, too, and even every now and then, a day on the weekend. Their company never gets old. Although I sleep a lot more, our lives are full. We are so blessed.
Honestly it has taken many many years to get to where we are now.
It’s a different kind of BEAUTIFUL!
If you would like to hear more about our lives after our brain injuries, please read my brain injury educational book about the first 12 years of our journey. It has been endorsed by a neuropsychologist and Clinical Psychologist and is titled,
A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury
Thank you for reading about our lives. Blessings to all of you.
Dawn Corbelli 