My Life Has It’s Struggles

I’m so overwhelmed, let me tell you why. I really would like to share with everyone the craziness of our week.

I took Veronica to a new counselor. After the first session where Veronica talked about some random things that have happened to her, the counselor called me to come in the next day to fill in some information for her. I got there, sat down, and the first sentence out of her mouth was, “You don’t spend enough time with Veronica!”

Caregivers, you likely know this. Survivors impulsive actions can happen when you are as close as 3 ft. away from them, facing them, and paying attention to them. Veronica was at counselling to learn how to deal with her anxiety, but that was not the goal for the counselor.  The truth is I learned so much from this session.

Me, Veronica, and two friends were at a hot springs. Veronica walked next to a man we were all talking to. She touched his chest, jokingly, before I could even get the words out of my mouth, “Stand Back! Hands Off!” I was right there. We had already had the “NO TOUCHING” talk. It is Veronica’s impulse control. The counselor heard this and had immediately decided I was not close enough and was not watching Veronica. I called Veronica away immediately. Mistake number one-I was not holding Veronica’s hand in the pool. I was giving her enough space to walk a little in the pool, trusting she wouldn’t touch anyone after our talk. Sometimes it sticks. This time it didn’t.

Soon after Veronica got into the small hot tub that was actually in the middle of the pool. There was a short wall that I was holding onto. I was on the outside of the wall, and I was directly next to Veronica with this short wall between us. There was a bench inside this circle shaped hot tub and a bunch of people sitting on it next to each other. Veronica had just sat down next to the same man. Not the best idea, but she and I had stepped away for another, “NO TOUCHING” talk.  She had only just gotten seated, and she whispered, “He’s touching my leg and stomach.” I was shocked! But I didn’t say anything because she stood right back up and got out. Mistake number two– I didn’t scold him. I should have!

The counselor then said to me that I needed to go to a caregiver class and caregiver support groups. By the time I left, I was literally balling, because I felt accused and like my daughter was going to be taken away. I was shamed and ashamed!

I now see a brain injured person can be in danger even when you are right there, watching them, and close enough to touch them. That is a massive lesson I wish I had learned many years ago on my own.

I left the appointment and the next morning the police came to our house to do a Wellness Check to see if Veronica was getting adequate care. They came to our door, unannounced, spoke to Greg alone, Greg and I together, and Veronica with me standing right there. They wanted to speak to Veronica alone, but I told them, “I will not leave Veronica alone with you, because sometimes she doesn’t get the story straight.” The police officer asked what that meant and I said, “She confabulates sometimes.” She understood. I continued to say, “I would NOT leave Veronica alone with you. She has a severe traumatic brain injury. “

We told them the story of why the counselor probably called them. We were completely honest with all the details. They didn’t really say anything about it. By the time they talked to all of us, and things became more relaxed, I explained I had written a book and that Veronica and I teach high school classes about brain injuries. Before I knew it, one of the police officers asked if the Lieutenant could call us to speak, when they talk to new divers. We said, “OF COURSE!”

That same police officer also gave us a list of therapists to call, so we could get a new one. I found out that it is a therapist’s obligation to report to the authorities if they think their patient is in danger. I can understand that.

This particular therapist didn’t ask any background information about our family, family dynamics, how long we have been Veronica’s guardian, or anything about our background, nothing about our lives except that one incident.  She simply decided I wasn’t with Veronica enough, when the truth was that I was right there and made two mistakes. Oh Lord, I hope whoever is reading this learns from my mistakes. I am being truthful and vulnerable to help even one person to not make the same mistakes I have.

All this happened and I still had to tend to all the normal things I usually take care of. This was definitely a hard week because I had so much on my mind. No one wants to hurt those they love even accidentally. I do not think we are in danger of Veronica being taken away, but I do know I made mistakes that I will never allow to happen again. is Sometimes Veronica capable of keeping her impulses in check, but I need to make sure no one is close enough to her in case they don’t have theirs in check.

A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain  Injury

https://store.bookbaby.com/a-miracle-a-day-one-day-at-a-time

Okay, I am off to get ready for my belated Valentine’s Day date with my husband. Your week may not be easy, but it can still be blessed.