Why do I feel like I have been doing nothing for the last couple weeks?
I got it in my head that all I have been doing is sitting on the couch, watching tv, and napping. I forget what I do. I really try to get what needs to be done, done. I was talking to two friends recently, separately, and when they asked what I have been up to, I said, “nothing”. I told them I had been sitting on the couch for two weeks. After talking to Greg and Veronica about it, I have learned I really have been quite busy. I wrote this blog on Thursday.
Three days ago, Veronica and I ran FIVE errands in one day. I don’t even know how I was capable of that. I did take a 2-hour nap when we got home and still made dinner for my family. That was Monday.
Tuesday, Veronica and I went bowling. We played FOUR games. That was exhausting. I took a 2-and-a-half-hour nap that day. I absolutely couldn’t make dinner but was able to take a meal that was previously made and frozen, out of the freezer, where Greg heated it up for himself. That day at 5pm, I went to the computer to participate in a Brain Injury Support Group that I enjoy attending. Then, I filled Veronica’s and my pill cases, which took me another 30 minutes. I so often cannot keep my eyes open past 8:30pm, so that is when I went to bed.
Wednesday, Veronica and I took a mile and a half walk and saw someone we knew. She asked what we had been up to. I said, “laying around for the last couple of weeks.” Where does this information come from? I then told another friend the same answer on the phone this afternoon.
Why so often do I picture myself as lazy? I don’t do this when it comes to other people. I believe I am lazy if I am not up doing something every minute. Because I actually have been busy, I was so exhausted I fell asleep at 7pm on Wednesday.
Thursday, Veronica and I ran 3 more errands, but those were by choice, and not completely necessary. Tonight, we will go over to a friend’s house for another 3 hours, as we do most Thursdays. I woke up this morning and I was anxious and agitated. Honestly, my mental health is affected. That tends to be my cue I have been doing too much. When I tell Greg I need a break, he tells me to take a DAY of rest. He is so understanding.
The truth is, I need to treat myself with the care, empathy, and tenderness I give to others. I have been trying, but this week I blew it! If my memory was better, I would have slowed down. For some reason, I got it in my head I have been sitting around and watching television and not doing anything else for 2 weeks. I don’t know where that number came from. Is this confabulation?
For months and months, I was writing in my calendar, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, to stay home, and make no appointments. I got out of my routine somehow. Next week I will start again. That’s the good thing about life; tomorrow is a new day where we can try again.
If you would like to feel less alone, understood, and validated on this difficult brain injury journey, please read my book titled,
A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury
Have a wonderful week and try and take good care of yourselves.
Dawn Corbelli 