This is what’s confusing from my blog on Identity.
I named a bunch of things about a person that can qualify as their personality, their characteristics, their identity.… compassion, thoughtfulness, empathy. I did that to prove you don’t have to have a job with outside income to feel good about yourself, to be important. We are all important.
One very sad fact about severe brain injury is, we don’t even know if we possess these characteristics for some time. We caregivers and friends look at our frustrated, yelling, sometimes hitting loved one and cannot understand why they are the way they are. The truth is, they don’t even know. Most times they cannot control it. These actions come out of nowhere and surprise even them. They are impulsive and come with no prior thought.
It upsets you. It upsets them. It takes a long time for a severely brain injured person to find themselves again, sometimes even years, many times years, if they ever come to that discovery at all.
I read this book by a man named, John Pettit. He said something that really hit home and helped me understand. “I did not throw a chair at my wife because I am a dick. My brain is fucked up.”
It’s true. It’s true. It’s true. It took Veronica, with her severe brain injury, over ten years to remotely be able to figure out what kind of person she was… again. It doesn’t take everyone that long, but sometimes longer. She was so sweet and tender at times in the hospital, but even then, she had no idea who she was.
Caregivers, loved ones, friends, please don’t take the difficult insulting behaviors personally. These actions are not personal. They come without thought. Survivors, give yourself grace. You are not a bad or mean person because of these unwanted and often, unwarranted behaviors. The wires in your brain are confused and out of control. It is not your fault. Your brain is injured.
Repeat that. “My brain is injured.”
I’m sorry this is so hard for everyone. I know it is. I lived it, and still do. But things get better. Even if circumstances don’t change, we learn how to manage them.
And that’s a WIN!
If you would like to know more about how our family handles the ups and downs we go through, please read my book titled,
A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury
https//store.bookbaby.com/book/a-miracle-a-day-one-day-at-a-time
Available many places online. Press the link above if you would like to purchase my book.
Please write a review after reading it. I would really appreciate knowing if it helped you.
As you live this next week, give yourself grace, and love yourself for your efforts.
Dawn Corbelli 