So many do not realize the fear that comes with taking care of an at-risk adult with a brain injury. When a person has a brain injury it is often not possible to understand or even know the deficits the brain injured person has until put in actual situations and their common sense is tested.
At-risk adults are person’s ages 18 and older who are unable to provide or obtain services necessary for their health, safety, and welfare OR who lack the capacity to make or understand responsible decisions. Source: Colorado Department of Human Services. Who Are At-Risk Adults?
Veronica is a 31-year-old severely brain injured woman, but due to her brain injury will always remain with the maturity of a 15-year-old girl in many ways. I would like to share with you some ways, situations, in which she is and has been at risk. 15-year-olds often engage in risky, impulsive behavior. At the mental age of 15, Veronica has been in the car with a friend that wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. Veronica looks up to this friend, so she took her seatbelt off as well. I’m just grateful I was there to witness this, so I could have Veronica put it back on. Hundreds of times I have told her to wear her seatbelt in the car, and she has said, “Ok mom, I will mom.” She is very impressionable and that alone puts her at risk of being hurt physically and mentally. Before we realized that Veronica’s common sense and decision-making skills were affected by her brain injury, we allowed her to go to parties. She was 21 and wanted to go out like others her age. She would drink alcohol which made her even more vulnerable than when she was sober. As a sexually active “adult”, she and my husband Greg went to a get-together at someone’s house. She was sitting in a chair in the yard while Greg was in line getting food that was set out buffet style. He only left her for a few minutes. When he came back, she was gone, but her phone was left on the chair. It turned out she had gone somewhere private with a guy to have sex. By the time she realized it was a bad situation, the guy did not take “NO” for an answer. Sometimes watching out for Veronica is much like keeping an eye on a toddler. There are so many dangers in the world and Veronica is susceptible to experiencing them.
Veronica doesn’t drive and like any 31-year-old, wants independence. We absolutely cannot allow her to go on a bus alone. If there is an attractive man, or woman, and they are talking, and Veronica feels like they click and they invite her to go with them, she will go. Endless horrible possibilities could ensue. She could so easily be abducted. We may never see her again. We are afraid to let her walk alone in our neighborhood, she loses her way and easily gets lost. I worry each and every time I allow Veronica to go inside a gas station to get a drink alone. If it takes a little longer than expected for her to come out, I get scared. I’m always ready to go in to find her. Maybe that is more of a trauma response to everything we have been through, and I simply worry about her all the time, but then again maybe not. My mind goes horrible places because it is so easy to take advantage of her. Veronica had a boyfriend that drank and drove with her in the car, but we did not know this for a while. Once we found out, we were worried every time she got in the car with him. Thank God Veronica is not one that keeps things to herself. We found out after the fact that he had been so drunk he once put her behind the wheel in his truck. She didn’t object. She knows she is not supposed to drive. Veronica often mixes up the gas and the brake pedal. That is why she does not have a license. TERRIFYING!!! Just terrifying! We as parents were in a horrible position. We have a 31-year-old daughter who wants to experience life, have sex, be in a relationship. We want her to have that but of course, not with this guy. She was like a teenager. The more we let her know he was not good for her, the more she pushed to be with him, like any normal 15-year-old would. He was allowed to sleep over for a long time before we realized how much he abused alcohol. She was allowed to sleep at his house, also. The risks that were taken with her life were countless. It was a very difficult time for all of us. He thought we were just overprotective parents and she needed to be away from us. Veronica was not taking her mood meds regularly when she was with him. She was a moody, crying, yelling mess. He once got her edibles, which is a type of marijuana you eat. She couldn’t feel it at first, so she had two more. It is supposed to mellow you out and make you very relaxed. It did the opposite for Veronica. She couldn’t stop laughing, then became super hyper, paranoid, crying. This guy didn’t know what was going on, so after seeing her like this, he left our house for us to handle it. She was up till 5a.m going up and down the stairs continually asking if he left and if things really happened or if they were a dream. She had severe anxiety for many months after that, which thankfully has subsided now. It seems it is unknown how many things will affect an injured brain. It often reacts in a different way than expected. Then there came a time when Veronica’s boyfriend wanted to marry her, move out of state with her and have their own kids. This man did not believe Veronica had a brain injury. Veronica cannot take care of a child. She was all for it, willing to go. We went to a lawyer and got emergency guardianship of her very shortly after that and he was out of the picture. Now we have permanent guardianship of Veronica, and she completely understands why and is very grateful she will always have us here as long as we live to look out for her and take care of her. It is so easy to judge until you have been in our position. We just want our daughter to experience as much of a “normal” life as she possibly can while living with a severe traumatic brain injury. That is something that will never be. A “normal” life.
Even with all the risks and fear, we have a beautiful life, more than many. We have each other, Greg, Kylie, Veronica, and I.
If you would like to know more about our lives as Veronica and I live with brain injuries, please read my book titled,
A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury
Available on Amazon or almost any online bookstore.
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Life is full of challenges, but all you have to do is your best. Your best is always good enough.
Have a beautiful week!
Dawn Corbelli 