Just me in my bedroom, alone, no fan, no TV. Just the tick of the clock and my warm cup of coffee sitting up against the pillows with my covers over my legs.
Two days ago, I really overdid it. I have a tendency to push myself. 15 years into this brain injury journey and I still do not seem to know my limits. Two days ago, I had eight vials of blood drawn and a urine test. I have been exercising since late Feb 2023. I would think my body would be used to it by now. So many say they are more energetic once they are exercising regularly, whereas I feel simply exhausted on a regular basis. I try and go to the gym three times per week. I do not know if I am ill, hence the blood draw, or if I am continually overstimulated and worn out from life. I do live a busy life. This week on Monday and Tuesday Veronica and I taught two, one-hour classes each day about brain injuries to high school students. Wednesday, I had my blood drawn, came home and dusted our upstairs, three rooms is all, mopped the kitchen floor on my hands and knees, and worked out hard at the gym for an hour. That included 15 minutes on the treadmill. Looking back and feeling the way I do; I know I did way too much for one day. Before my moderate traumatic brain injury15 years ago, I used to clean houses for six hours at a time, 4,000 square foot houses. I would jog and watch our girls play volleyball. I was always on the move. I just cannot accomplish what I used to. That is ok with me. I literally forget my limits until it is too late. I go and go till I drop. Wednesday, I knew I was done. When I am mentally exhausted it affects me physically. My stomach gets upset every time. The music was very loud at the gym. I could hear weights banging and chatter in the background. I used my earbuds to try and cancel the noise instead of playing music of my own. I will be wearing a noise cancelling headset next time I go. I left the gym dizzy with a slight headache, nauseas, weak, and exhausted mentally and physically. The whole way driving home I hugged the right side of the road thinking I would have to pull over to throw up. The rain seemed like it was pounding on the windshield and the movement of the wipers made me dizzy and more nauseas. Even to see the passing cars was too much. What’s worse is I drove home like that with Veronica in the car with me, putting her in harm’s way as well. I will never drive home feeling like this again. I will call someone or take an uber. We arrived home safely, and I went straight to bed. Thursday I could not do anything but lay in bed all day. Friday, I awoke, still sick to my stomach. Laying in bed, I could see the fan moving out of the corner of my eye and had to turn it off. I write this as I lay here in bed. It is afternoon and here I sit with my covers over my legs, back against two pillows, no dogs, no people, no tv. I have tinnitus ringing in my ears. What an annoyance. It sounds like the buzzing of cicadas I used to hear in the park near my house when it was time to go in because it was getting dark. This sound goes away when I wear my hearing aids, but I don’t dare because every noise still sounds like a wooden spoon hitting a metal pot. So here I sit comfortably in the quiet of my bedroom, waiting to be able to handle noise and sight stimulation. Are you like me? Do you get overwhelmed by what you see and hear? If you read my blog, you know you are not alone. Knowing you are not alone in your experience, hopefully helps you feel less lonely. We brain injury survivors need to stick together. I hope you have had a nice week. I didn’t post this blog last week because I simply couldn’t rally the energy to type it. I felt so poor. But this too shall pass, until it happens again. Having brain injuries, we must learn to live with bouts of overstimulation and feeling overwhelmed. I am surprised and grateful that this time my mood did not get low. I will wait it out and start again. I am thankful I am here. I have so many things to be grateful for and lots of time to think about them as I recover. I do realize not everyone has the luxury of stopping their world when they do not feel well, but I am endlessly grateful for my caring and empathetic family that takes care of me so well.
If you are interested in reading how our family handles our brain injury journey, please order my book titled,
A Miracle of a day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury
It is available for purchase on Amazon right here from my website. Go to Menu and press Book. It is available in paperback and kindle. It can also be purchased from Poor Richards Books and Gifts in downtown Colorado Springs or almost anywhere books are available online.
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Have a beautiful week and try not to overdo it. Know your limits.
Dawn Corbelli 