Damn IT!

Many people who have brain injuries tend to act on impulse. What does that mean exactly? Acting on impulse is spontaneous. There is no consideration to how it could affect others or even oneself, for that matter. There is no wondering about how you’ll feel about it later. It is just about the here and now. Source: Is Impulsive Behavior a Disorder? By Ann Pietrangelo, May 12, 2020, Healthline.com

Veronica is not able to see the consequences of her actions beforehand. Yesterday I had a dilemma. Do I stay with Veronica for three hours while she gets a new tattoo or do I go home and wait and go pick her up afterward. Three hours is a long time to sit and wait while I could be at home doing other things. I was nervous about my decision. The three of us talked for a moment and I told Veronica, “Do not lift your shirt!”

“The tattoo artist is professional. He’s a nice guy.” I said to my husband, Greg. Then, I thought about how every time we see him for a consultation or a tattoo, Veronica lifts her shirt and shows him her breasts on impulse. Yet while still in the car, Veronica said, “Moooom, I don’t do that anymore. I have grown. I have changed. You don’t need to stay.” She is very sincere in her thoughts. Greg and I dropped her off and drove away. After a minute or so, with a heavy heart I said, “Greg, I don’t trust her. We need to go back.” And so, we drove back. I walked into the shop to see Veronica standing with her shirt modestly covering the front of her body. She had it off because the tattoo she was getting was going to be on her back. I thought, “Good. She remembered what I said.” After an hour, during her first break, she slid her shirt on before going to the bathroom. “Whew!” I thought. “We’re good.” Second break, an hour later, again, she slid her shirt on. “Whew!” I thought, “We’re good, just a little longer.” Last hour, we were talking and laughing. Veronica was loosened up and comfortable, although in much pain. He was done, finally. Veronica stood up and slid her shirt on. I thought, “She did so good.” Just to turn around and see Veronica lifting her shirt and showing her breasts to the tattoo artist. She laughed. I thought, “We almost made it.” I raised my voice a little and said, “Veronica No! That is not ok. That is inappropriate!” Boy has she heard that many times. We were talking to the tattoo artist about Veronica’s brain injury and how sometimes she behaves impulsively, and things happen so quickly, she doesn’t have time to think of the consequences. All of a sudden, Veronica begins to cry and apologizes profusely to the artist. She said, “I feel so bad. I know it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself.” It was so sad, her sincerity. I told her, “Don’t cry Veronica. It’s ok. Do you know how many brain injured people don’t have a conscience and don’t even realize when they have done something they shouldn’t? I’m proud of you for that.” I said, with her still crying and the tattoo artist telling her she was ok. I leaned toward her face so she could see me without her glasses on. Eye to eye, I said again, I’m proud of you for realizing what you did. You are ok.”

But what if…

What if I hadn’t been there. What if the tattoo artist wasn’t such a nice and professional man?

I worry because Veronica has been flirty in the past and hasn’t thought much of it and has been seriously sexually taken advantage of against her will. Sometimes Veronica puts herself in dangerous situations unknowingly. I am so glad I made the choice I did to be with her. She needs to go back to the shop again at a later date to get her tattoo finished. Again, I will stay with her. You know? It is for reasons like this that Greg and I have guardianship of Veronica. Yes, she is almost 31 years old, but she still cannot safely take care of herself in some situations.

Greg came to pick us up and we were talking about what happened and I said to her again, hoping she will remember even with her short-term memory loss, “I’m so proud of you because even if you do something YOU don’t approve of, you have the ability to apologize, and that is huge!”

If you would like to know more about how we handle situations like this, please read my book titled,

A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain injury.

My book is available in many places online and here in Colorado Springs, Colorado, downtown in a bookstore called Poor Richards Books and Gifts.

You can also order my book from my website on Amazon. Press Menu, then Book, and it will come up.

Have a beautiful day everyone! And remember to forgive yourself when you make mistakes. Apologies are powerful.