THIS is How Brain Injury Feels

I participate in brain injury support groups because I feel less alone with people that go through what we as a family go through now that Veronica and I have brain injuries. This following excerpt is from another person that suffers from a brain injury, posted with their permission, using no names. I want to share it because when I read it, I can relate to it in many ways. I think it will be educational and give insight to those that do not have brain injuries. It has not been corrected. I wanted this post I am sharing to be authentic. The first 10 years after our brain injuries were the most difficult for Veronica and me, thus our family because when you love each other, you are all affected. The difference in our family from many is we support each other fully. But even so, we started out with no knowledge of what living with a brain injury meant and made many mistakes of our own.

Here goes:

Sorry but bitter and major rant ahead because i need to get this out and I had to take out the wosrt swear words but wish they were in there because im really upset.

12 more nightmarish sleeps until the 3 year anniversary of my induction to hell and the loss of my soul.

I want to f*&*ken scream and throw things against the wallls and smash them and I’m done! I am sick of being told I made mistakes, sick of being told what to think or what to do or when to do it – I am not stupid and dont need to be controlled, i just need to have a hug and be heard. actually heard.  I am sick of needing people to help me because i cant do it by myself. And EVERYTHING is harder to do – EVERYTHIGN – even trying to pee is an effort – literally have to concentrate and consiously do it- but babies do it before they are born –

I HATE THIS!   I am sick of people TELLING me instead of trying to LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND me.  I am NOT stupid –  I KNOW what’s wrong with me, do they know whats wrong with them – unempathetic, opinionated twad whallops.  Seriously if this was a leg injury it would be different.

I go grocery shopping – get critizcised because I bought two packets of crumpets instead of one. who cares, Im gonna eat them but it means I dont have to go to the store for another 5 days. WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?  WHY tell me YOU think I made a mistake – I didnt make a mistake – I wanted two packets of crumpets  – like it really matters to anyone anyway.

Why are people so quick to point out how different I am than before?  Like I am stupid and don’t already realise how different I am.  I am SO aware of what is different because I have the constant reminders in every second of every day so don’t remind me by your judgemental comments under the guise ‘I’m trying to help’ BS you are not trying to help because your comments embarrass me and make me feel worse about myself when I am trying to find a fricken positive – then when I say the comment embarrasses me I get told I have taken the comment wrong – FFS get the message – be nice instead of reminding me how bad I am at stuff 

‘You’re overreacting’ – um no, I am not actually, I am reacting and I hate it  but its not by choice. I NEVER used to cry – maybe once a year, but I am sick of crying – I have cried every day since the accident and sometimes I dont know why – its not a choice – I hate crying so would gladly NOT cry if i could control it.  My emotions are so much more intense and I HATE that!  Yes I am seeing a pscyhologist – shes great.  But the intense emotions are crap.

I  have NEVER felt more alone and isolated but surrounded by people I love and that love me but they just dont undersatnd.  They still are trying to ‘fix’ this – newsflash family – it aint fixing so time to shut up, listen and learn about this so I feel supported like I did for you all when you needed it. 

I seriusly wish sometimes that I lived in a bubble by myself where I wouldn’t get judged or corrected or told I am being too emotional – I could just cry by myself and not feel guilty for crying. 

Most of the time i am good.  I am positive and happy and am the person to support others and be kind but I have nothing left.  I have lost my soul – I am nobody anymore.  I have died completely and as much as I want to be my new version it seems those around me don’t want me to – they want me to be my old self which wont happen. 

I HATE APRIL HATE IT because its the month that the accident happened and it haunts me until this stupid month is done.  APRIL IS torture. I am completely broken and overwhelmed and dont know how to ask people around me to just give me a hug.

The End

I believe that if our family, who we love most in the world, does not accept our new selves the way we are, we will not be able to accept ourselves either.

If you would like to read more about our journey toward self-acceptance while having traumatic brain injuries, please read my book titled,

A Miracle a Day, One Day at a Time: Hope After Traumatic Brain Injury

My book can be found and purchased from Amazon right here on my website by going to the menu and pressing the word Book.

Brain injury or not, we all need support in our lives. The behaviors, emotions, and personalities of brain injured people are especially difficult to understand. If you know someone that has one, please educate yourself so life can be easier for both of you.

Have a beautiful day!!